This holiday was a big one for Rex and I. We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary on Christmas Eve. Twenty-five years ago, we took the El down to City Hall here in Chicago and tied the knot in front of a judge. It was a lovely ceremony–just the three of us. I think the judge said a few kind words of luck and we took the escalator up from the basement and out into the empty Loop for a breakfast at Petros diner and later a flight to a beach house in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, where my family was waiting, unsuspecting. We sprung it on them at happy hour and had a fabulous impromptu wedding dinner of fresh fish and a “wedding pie” for dessert.
Twenty five years later, Rex and I took the El down to City Hall to retrace our steps, but alas, Christmas Eve was on Saturday this year and City Hall was closed. Petros was closed as well. But it didn’t matter. We were still together in the empty Loop.
And now we’re off to Buenos Aires to celebrate, so the blog will be on hiatus until Jan 10 or so.
But before we go, and without sounding too sanctimonious I hope but with 25 years of it under my belt, here’s my 6 tips for a successful marriage, followed by Rex’s 6 tips:
My list, in no particular order:
- Marry a decent person with a sense of humor.
- Learn to change. Marriage is about two people. That means your way of doing things butts up against someone else’s equally good way of doing things. And life will throw curve balls. Adapt.
- Learn to let it go. In the heat of the moment, take a breath, hold your tongute, and force yourself to laugh (at yourself usually). Do. not. dwell.
- Do things together, even things you personally don’t like.
- Don’t think the grass is greener on the other side. It ain’t.
- Don’t overanalyze things. It’s really not that complicated. Ever.
And here’s Rex’s list–and seriously, we did not compare before we made this list!
- Don’t just settle for someone because you think no one who is right for you will come along.
- Recognize that relationships start from a sexual attraction but its the emotional attachment that lasts for the long haul. But don’t let the physical die altogether.
- Marry someone you like. (see #2–it’s surprising how many people miss this one)
- Don’t carry a grudge. Everybody has differences.
- Be willing to compromise.
- Don’t obsess about things because there are no hard and fast rules.
There’s no secret to a good marriage, if you ask me. It’s just learning to be happy with life however it comes at you. And it’s nice when it comes at you with someone whom you’ve grown to love so deeply.
So what are your tips to good marriage or partnerships?
